Eating Cardboard

Well, it is that time of year again -- Passover!

And now, you know how I come to titling this blog, "Eating Cardboard." Granted, I do like matzah, but after the first few days, it starts to feel like it is sticking to my insides.

This brings me to one of my more favorite cooking disaster stories: Dad Bakes the Passover Kugels.

In my family, we make these muffin/popover type rolls, that are kosher for passover, that we call Kugels. I don't know where the recipe that we use comes from, however we eat these on passover as long as I can remember.


Once upon a time, in a land far far away...... oh, ok, in Hackensack, NJ. Anyway, my dad was living in his Hackensack apt. not long after having moved out on his own. Here he was at Passover time and it was time to make his own Kugels. First of all, he thought, "I love these Kugels, I'm a big guy, I think I'll make them in a Texas-sized muffin tin!" So, dad called his mom, my Nanni, for the recipe and away he went!

By the time my sister and I came to visit that weekend, he had tried 2 or 3 times and each time they came out disgusting. He couldn't figure out why. So, I tasted one...indeed, they were GROSS! So, I went through the recipe and ingredients with him, he had it all correct. I went through the quantities and steps, it all seemed correct. Then I started to look at his ingredients, one by one...maybe the butter had gone bad.....hmmm. I finally got to the salt and out of his bare 'bachelor-pad' cabinets, he pulls out the jar of salt he used - a potassium salt substitute!

Of course, the first time the recipe went bad, he added more salt becuase it tasted bland. As he added more and more each time, he was simply enhancing the bitterness of the salt substitute.

So, lesson learned: when baking, don't substitute sodium chloride with potassium chloride -- ue the real thing!

This does make me wonder about other substitutes that we use - for wheat flour, for sugar, egg beaters for real eggs. When do we get to the point where we are not eating anything that is 'real' anymore? Can we even call it food at that point?

What are your thoughts on food substitutes - either good ones to use or on substituting for the 'real thing' in general?

Here is the correct recipe for The Wiener Family Passover Kugels:

4c Matzo Farfel (basically little broken up matzo crumbs)
2c lukewarm water
2 tbs oil or melted butter (or shmaltz like my grandma would use!)
5 eggs

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Soak the Farfel in the water for about 15 minutes (make sure it is evenly mixed together). Beat the eggs well and add to the soaked farfel with the oil. Salt and Pepper to taste (i reccomend slightly over salting WITH REAL SALT!). I also add a little hint of onion powder. Grease muffin tins and fill about 2/3 high. Bake for about an hour until golden brown and crisp on the outside.

Best eaten straight out of the oven!

Chag Sameach(joyous festival), have a blessed spring and year!

Scary, Yet True

Shockingly, there was a time where I might have made a Hamburger Helper meal for dinner - ugh!

I would usually get some cheese version which would approximate macaroni and cheese with ground meat thrown in. Not too bad considering I grew up with Kraft Mac & Cheese with hotdog slices for dinner on Saturday nights.

Anyway, my ex-husband liked all things Stroganoff, which for some reason always seemed gross to me - a creamy milky sauce with meat mixed in - but I went along anyway and got the Stroganoff version of Hamburger Helper.

I don't know if any of you folks out there have made this food-like substance before, but Hamburger Helper is far from attractive when you first add the mix of pasta & seasoning into the pan with water and the browned ground meat. It looks disgusting, almost barf-like in quality. Stroganoff, for some reason, looked extra gross with that powdered milky seasoning that would eventually transform into a tasty sauce.

Well, for some reason, I had to pick up this large pan of partially cooked, still in the barf-looking-phase, stroganoff hamburger helper to move it and halfway across the open kitchen floor I mistakenly tipped the pan and spilt the contents over the kitchen floor. Talk about looking like I just lost my dinner!

I remember looking up into the dining room and seeing the look on my husband's face. I imagine my look of shock was quite similar.

Honey, let's order a pizza?

Recipe Reminiscing

In enjoying a lovely dinner with friends last night (Thank you Jasper for the divine mango-chicken pasta!), we started discussing this blog which led, naturally, to a discussion of other recipe disasters.

What was brought up in my mind were, actually three classic events in my cooking memory, I'll share them over the course of this blog.

I would like to start by saying that it helps to actually have the recipe somewhere that you are trying to make, especially if it is something you have not made before and extra especially if it is something finicky, like gnocchi. In the days where I had television I would often have a lazy saturday morning watching the cooking shows on PBS while still in bed. One day, they made handmade gnocchi. It looked simple enough, just remember the ratio of ingredients. I didn't write anything down, just listened and did my best to memorize the steps and ratios. Well, of course, this was an inspiration and off I was to the store later that day to gather the ingredients.

So, I guess my memory is not so great, and because of this, now I write things down. Instructions seemed simple enough, I made the fluffy gnocchi dough, got my water salted and boiling and away I went. I must have gone for 'extra' fluffy, so fluff, in fact, that the gnocchi fluffed apart into a pile of starchy mush floating in my pot of water! Hmmm, what did I miss? Definitely one of those nights where I said, "Honey, how about we go out for dinner tonight!"

To see how to properly make tasty light tasty looking gnocchi, I have now found this informative video. I have not tried this recipe yet, but I have lately been feeling inspired to try my hand at gnocchi once again.

Don't worry, I have my pen and paper right beside me to write down the exact instructions.

Blog-Inspiring Disaster

Okay, so something hit me this weekend and I got on a cooking frenzy. I think it started while I was teaching a collage workshop on Saturday. I saw a really tasty looking picture for Pappardelle with Chicken & Winter Greens in one of the magazines and tore it out to make this week:
Tonight (monday) was the night! I had all the ingredients assembled and was ready to cook, and hungry! I guess it is something about the combination of sherry, cream, cheese, rotisserie chicken and greens that simply does not work for my taste buds. Perhaps I didn't do such a good job in preparation (I was thinking that I overcooked the greens by a minute and a half or so before adding the next step). I don't know, but when I got it in my bowl and tasted it......YEUCH!!!!

So, it is your turn, my friends! Try it out (click on the link above to get to the recipe). Let me know if it truly is disgusting or I just messed it up....badly.

As I was cleaning up this mess, down the disposal, I said to my self: "Sheesh, this was the worst recipe ever!" And here we are at a new blog.

So, let me know if you would like to join in the fun and be an author!